October: Infant Loss Awareness Month Begins

Grief is a very peculiar animal. You can go for seemingly endless time periods without it overwhelming you and then it hits you, violently, like a tidal wave. I lost my daughters eleven years ago and there are times I suddenly feel like I have been lifted off my feet by the strength of my…

NEW Poem: Mothers Heart

This is a BIG one for me. I haven’t written new poetry for 11 years. The reason for that, was due to the fact that the last two poems I wrote were about my daughters, who devastatingly passed away in 2007. I figured that there was no way I could write about anything more deserving…

The First of my Angel’s Anniversaries Start Today

So it begins. The tenth anniversaries of when I lost my babies have now begun with today. 10 years ago today, I went into labour at work, sat at my desk. I remember panicking and sobbing with the pain and the thought that the precious lives I was carrying were in danger. I remember it…

Nearly 10 Years Since My Daughters Died – And I am Struggling

I’ve been struggling to understand why I’ve felt more down than usual (even for me) over the past few days. I’ve eaten too much, struggled to concentrate and been barely able to sleep. However, the answer is obvious and I think I’m hiding from it and trying to distract myself from thinking about it, but…

Today is My Mother’s 60th Birthday

My mother would have been 60 years old today, if she had lived. She had just turned 58 about a month before she died. I find myself at something of a loss as to how I should mark the occasion. After all, turning 60 is a huge milestone and should be marked. However, all I…

UPDATE: Letter from Dying Mum to Daughter – Bethany Found

Yesterday’s report on the letter found in a bookshop in Bishop Auckland, that had been written by a mother who was dying, has a happy (or as happy an ending as possible, in the circumstances). Bethany has been found and the letter and accompanying photo returned to her. Bethany Gash is a 21 year old…

Why I Don’t Get On With Springtime

With the advent of spring, brings the rise of hope and expectation – new life, warmer days and bluer skies, scrubbed clean by the winters clouds, snow and rain. We emerge from the winter as animals from burrows – awake and alert for the prospect of better times. That isn’t me. I’ve not always gotten…

A Year Since I Lost Her

It is an odd day today. On the one hand, it is my Dad’s birthday. On the other, it is the first anniversary of when my mother died. She passed at about 12pm on a cold and overcast Thursday afternoon at Whiston Hospital in St Helens. She was just 58 years and one month old….

Life, The Universe & Everything: Jemma Cottier, in Memorium.

The late, great Douglas Adams noted that the answer to life, the universe and everything was 42. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy also pointed out that to understand the answer, you must first know what the question is. What question could you ask, that would answer the meaning of such metaphysical conundrums that would…

Haworth’s Graveyard & Having Respect

I want to share some interesting and fairly good news, about something that upset and angered me inspiring me to write to the powers that be about it. Here’s the background though. Haworth is beautiful. I adore going there, the people are lovely, the place is an idyll in the throbbing and heaving life that swirls…