Firstly, happy New Year!
I hope that your 2019 is a good one.
Life cannot always provide you with the outcomes that you want or even need, so I wish for you to have the determination to survive the bad and the ability to always notice the good.
Now, onto other things.
I’ve not taken on any writing work/ commissions for a while, simply so I can concentrate on my health and on my family.
Saying that, I have found other things to keep me busy that aren’t family/ home/ day job related. It would appear that I seem to subconsciously replace one thing for another. It seems I need to keep myself always occupied and I think that is a pretty good thing.
An idle mind has free reign then to catastrophize, something I have managed to get a hold of over the years.
Catastrophizing is when a train of thought begins to develop rapidly in a negative way. This means you imagine the worst and basically go from there imagining the absolute worst case scenario. It is really key to get a hold of that and reign it back in and get back to thinking in a realistic way. The bottom line I use if I catastrophize is to simply say “the worst that could happen is someone dies and no one is going to die because of this!” – that sort of thing.
So, with that in mind and the need to keep myself busy, I have decided to tentatively get back into writing. I’ve written a chapter of a story so far and I guess I will see where that takes me. I need to rebuild my confidence a bit first – it can be hard to get back into something you’ve not done for a while.
Same with art. I used to paint and draw all the time and now I’ve lost a huge chunk of my confidence – I think that is the one that will be most difficult to get back. When there are so many great artists around, it is hard to think that you can ever achieve anything worthwhile. I think the trick with this, in order to try and get some confidence back – is to realise that I should not compare myself to others and not to care about critics who aren’t people I care about.
It is hard to want to achieve something artistically and then share it when you see pages on places like Facebook dedicated to humiliating and upsetting people who have tried to give something arty a go. I just don’t understand the point of ‘Museums of Poor/ Bad Art’. Someone had a go at something, they tried and then you encourage as many people as possible to mock them? That is just horrible, undiluted bullying and morally indefensible.
So with that in mind, I must remind myself of why I do what I do with my creative, non-paid output – I do it for me.
I hope you don’t forget that either – don’t compare yourself to others and never lose your sense of doing it to make you feel happy.