Rather than focus on the heated and varied debate regarding the medical case of Charlie Gard, I am instead simply going to think of his parents on this special day.
Today would have been his first birthday.
There is no way that this day last year, Chris and Connie would have dreamt in a million years that they would be grieving his loss.
I don’ think the human imagination is that strong, that it can comprehend the magnitude of such a loss.
I just wanted to curl up in a corner like a wounded animal and die, when my girls died.
The world rang hollow and had no meaning. I was drowning in my sorrow and I just wanted to give in to it.
Charlie, like my daughters, is one of countless babies who will not see their first birthday. I would have done anything to have seen my happy little twin girls celebrate their first birthday. Instead, the cruel reality of it was, when it was their first birthday, their Dad and I stood before their grave, numb with horror and pain. No balloons, no presents other than flowers. Just the wind and the clouds and silence – the very antithesis of what a child’s birthday party ought to be.
I wish that there were not 15 babies a day in the UK that die shortly before, during or after birth. I wish what happened to us was the last time a mother would have to hold their child in their arms as they died.
The cruel reality is that I am not the last. I am one of the many, too many, parents.
As the baby that knew nothing but the love of their parents and captured the hearts of so many – I wish you peace, love and joy in heaven, Charlie. I hope you are having a beautiful, fun party with all the other tiny ones lost today and every day before.
“Our babies are angels, we’ll love them forever”
If you have been affected in any way by the loss of a baby, no matter how recent or long ago, then please visit SANDS:
Freephone Helpline: 0808 164 3332.
Open Monday to Friday from 9.30am-5.30pm and Tuesday and Thursday evenings from 6pm-10pm.