Here is a copy of an email I sent out to family and friends a few days after Lucy’s funeral. Back before Facebook was the go-to medium of choice for contacting friends and family, I would occasionally e-mail out updates of how we were getting on post-university.
I don’t think anyone really wanted to receive this one and I certainly never wanted to send out something like this…
23rd May 2007
I have no idea what some of you know and what you don’t know about my twin babies to date, so forgive me if I am a bit repetitive.
On 5th May, about 11:45am, Lucy was taken off her ventilator and all life support ceased. It had been a long and awful decision to come to. She was dying – there really wasn’t much choice.
She passed away in my arms, surrounded by her family and was pronounced dead at about 12 noon by the on-call consultant at Leeds General Infirmary’s Neonatal Unit.
Nothing in my life could possibly equal the agony of watching my 1lb 13 oz daughter die in front of me. Nothing.
She died due to Chronic Lung Disease which was caused by her extreme prematurity, brought on by twin to twin transfusion. Her lungs were full of cysts and scars because of being ventilated, which they had no choice but to do. It got to the point were they had to keeo ventilating her lungs more and more to the point were they were just too damaged to ventilate anymore.
We could either let her die naturally and peacefully in my arms, or die in pain on the ventilator. Those were my two options. Imagine that decision.
Lucy was exactly 1 month old when she died, her sister died 4 days before she was even born.
We buried Lucy on Wednesday 16th May in Bradford, in the Snowdrop Garden vault with her sister. Lucy’s coffin was twice the size of Bryonie’s – which broke my heart even further.
We played ‘You Are Not Alone‘ by Michael Jackson, because she is not alone. She has Bryonie and two of my grandparents looking after her. I just wish she was still here with me. She was just born too soon at 24 weeks and 5 days gestation. Too soon.
I just wanted to take this oppertunity on behalf of Thomas, my daughters and myself to thank everyone for their kind thoughts, prayers, wishes cards and even flowers. It has really made us smile at such an awful time – so thank you, really.
Words can’t describe the grief I feel at the moment and I hope that one day it’ll get easier, people keep telling me that it will, but….
Anyway, take care,