I’m going to have to admit it – I haven’t been the gym for a couple of weeks and I feel so guilty about it.
The guilt though, doesn’t just come from the fact that my muffin top hasn’t reduced and has more to do with the money that comes out each month for a service I don’t use right now.
I started off going with a friend so we could support each other and be ‘gym buddies’. This sounded great and worked for about a month or so, before my friend stopped coming with me. Since then, I have struggled to find enough motivation to go on my own. I did fine for a few weeks, going alone and I am proud that I managed to dig deep and find some motivation. Now though? I just feel so lethargic and my tank of motivation is on 0.
I keep telling myself that if I ate better, I would lose weight that way. This means I have sort of set myself up to fail as disciplining myself around food has been as challenging in terms of motivation as going to the gym.
I hate the way I look – I wish I was a good couple of stones lighter, but with medication that makes me just pile on the damn weight, it feels impossible to do.
What I like to do, when the demons of self-doubt begin to circle and cut me off from rational thought, is to stop beating myself up.
It is really hard to stop believing that little voice that tells you that you are a fat frumpy bint.
One way I wouldn’t recommend, is taking an ‘easy’ way out, just to assuage that looming self-hatred.
I’ve starved myself before now, feeling as though I deserve the misery of hunger because I am fat and I deserve it (or ‘fasting’ to make it sound more tree-huggery and hip).
This is a path towards harmful behaviour that damages you, body and soul.
The two most important things to do when this happens is to recognise it and then commit to do something about it.
Focusing on nicer and more positive things within myself will help me get through until I feel motivated to deal with the physical goals I have set myself.
So pressing the pause button my weight loss is fine and during this interlude, I should focus on something that I enjoy doing.
In my case, revert to art (not that I’m any good). It takes such little effort to pick up a piece of paper and pencil and just sketch.
If you feel the nagging self-doubt settle in, remind yourself that you are good at lots of different things and… you have survived 100% of your bad, self-doubting days so far…
Be kind to you,