We’ve sold our house (yay!) and finally decided on a new one. It is a really stressful thing to do, it turns out.
We spent the weekend with a skip, throwing out everything we don’t need or don’t use. 10 years of detritus really does add up.
Our sale is more mature than our purchase, so there is a slight delay between the two, but only by a couple of weeks or so.
As the chain stops with us (we’re buying a vacant possession), then we should be moving either the week between Xmas and New Year (not ideal) or the first week of January (not desperately ideal, but not too bad really).
We’re looking forwards to our fresh start as a little family and changing our living space is going to help us achieve that.
For me though, my health has been getting worse and worse. I seem to be circling the drain with ever decreasing circles. I wish I could just be well and be like everyone else. I wish I was able to function, but I can’t. All I want to do is scream at the frustration I feel about my disabled mind and cognition. My body is fine. I’ve just shaken off a cold that I had since mid-August and gotten over the norovirus that one of the kids kindly brought home with them. I feel physically okay. Not fabulous, but ok.
I’m also ready for a change. In what form that will take, I don’t really know. The idea of change in my life is actually quite scary. Someone with my mental health issues has a big problem with routines being upset. I can just only hope that I can get into a new one as quickly as possible.
I think too much of life is done on auto pilot after a while and sometimes, it’s good to change the auto pilots programming every so often.
On the 5th January 2017, my mother would have been 60 years old.
I think a big part of me knew she wouldn’t make it to 60 or if she had, her death would not have been too far from that date.
I’ve managed to get through a lot of my life without my mother, so for me, I lost her a long time ago. That means my grief is very different to someone like my brother, or my little half-sister.
I’m very proud of both of them though.
I can only hope that wherever she is, she is in possession of a peaceful, clear and understanding mind and able to reflect on her life, as well as on those lives she left behind.
I’m very certain, that wherever she is, she is most certainly at peace.
As I grope about the fog that makes up my addled and slow brain, I must say farewell.
I hope you have a cracking start to your festive season (we have already put the tree up!) and I’ll be back again, no doubt troubling your inboxes with my latest posts.