After a year and eight months, we have finally got to the finish line with sorting out my mother’s estate.
The last little bit was sorted today and now we can all move on.
No more worry over it or fretting or anything, we just need to move on and get on with our lives.
I have not written reflectively for a while about the loss of my mother. I think it is because I have been going through a torrent of different emotions.
The hardest one is anger. I feel so angry for reasons I won’t bore you with. I’m so, so cross about so many things to do with it.
I know from bitter experience with bereavement, that this is just a phase I have to explore, look at in detail then, when it is empty with nothing left for me to see, I can get on with it.
I’m not certain how she’ll end up like in the storage compartment of my heart, where a part of her lives. I don’t know what the solid state of this fluid process will eventually look like. I just know that I need to let each feeling and train of thought run its course. I learnt recently that not dealing with stuff as and when it happens and leaving it for years is an incredibly bad idea.
This is where my sage advice to you all comes in: don’t listen to the “you’re not still going on about that are you?” and “move one” and “get over it” crowd. Listen to you. Ignore what other people think you should and should not be feeling like I did when I was younger. Don’t shut things out or ignore what you’re thinking and feeling. Trust me, one day, years from now even, it will all come flooding out. To everyone else, it will look like you have spent years and years not getting over something and not moving on. Instead, because you haven’t dealt with it and shut it out, your recovery is simply delayed and stunted. That is NOT good for you and you MUST consider yourself.
Just because everyone thinks you should be over it does not mean you have to.
Feel it now. Do it now. If people want the best for you, then they will encourage you to get it all out at the time for no matter how long it takes you.