My Feelings For Him Now
The leaves fell from the trees like
Tears from his eyes.
The lid of my red pen lid
Shone brightly like his lies.
Yet in complete honesty,
I loved him and he chose me.
I see the buses as they go;
In two’s and three’s yet still I know,
My love for him cannot die,
Because I live and that is why.
His sparky wit and ingenious flare,
The intensity of his loving stare.
The thick black hair and that smile,
Make my pains all worth while.
My love for him he’ll never know,
But every day it shall grow.
No other girl has he let see,
The tears he shed only to me.
I understand now my love…
I thank your God in heaven above.
10th April 2000
This was written when I was seventeen years old. I think it was based on an earlier draft from when I was sixteen (not that there’s much difference in age, but a lot happened to me in that period, so it kinda does make a difference).
I look at it now as a grown woman in her 30’s and feel a bit embarrassed, really. Just because it is a bit juvenile in expression and execution.
The subject of this poem is of course the first sighs of young love and came in the shape of a complete git. So often when one is young, one first falls for the wrong person. Yet, when you are so very young, you don’t know how to manage your behaviour or feelings at all and this poem was just another way of being young and in love and a bit soppy – perhaps just another way of expressing or releasing those feelings and understanding them.
The ‘God’ bit at the end is a reference to the fact this wrongun was going through a god-bothering phase when we were an item. Not that it stopped him from doing ‘ungodly’ things. I guess the flagrant hypocrisy should have been a bit of a tell tale sign, but only experience can warn you of that – which was something I was in the early stages of acquiring at the time.
So… I hope it gives you a memory of foolish young love you may have experienced in the initial bloom of adulthood and it perhaps made you smile (or fantasize about punching said object of desire in the face because they ended up being such a tool, whichever).