I am often want to say to my husband, that childhood is the foundation that we, as parents, lay down for our children. It is the base on top of which they will build the adult they will turn out to be.
Your children will follow your example, not your advice.
When they are adults, they have the choice to decide what kind of building they put on top of the foundations. They can build a ramshackle, shaky building that crumbles and cracks at the merest shiver of wind, or they can build a robust and hardy one, that braves the tempests. You cannot blame your foundations forever.
Sure, your foundations will not make it easy for you. They will make building your life-house hard and draining, but they will not, ultimately stop you. When cracks appear because of the shaky pits beneath, you reinforce – you mend the cracks.
You do not watch everything tumble down and then point at the foundations and those who lay them and be all boo-hoo poor me.
The choice is completely yours.
Personally, I intend to build the firmest foundations for my kids that I know how to make. I’m no expert and I’m not entirely sure what the hell I’m doing, but I’m guaranteeing my work for life. I will be there if there are cracks in the building I make and be there to help with the house my kid builds on top.
I think there comes a point when you have to stop blaming your past/parents/childhood for your adulthood and take the firm stance that you are in control of now and that you have the power to change your life for the better.