You were the rage that ripped me out.
You were the virus in my eye.
You were a cruel and hateful lout.
You were the life that passed me by.
You were – not are – and won’t be.
You were a triumph unwilling to see
the breaking dawn that greets me,
instead, you denied me to be free.
Hoping for an answer
with that dagger by your side,
you are a manic dancer
with your partner as your ride.
You were my only hope
in a prison with no name.
You were instead my hanging rope,
and sold our love in shame.
This is perhaps one of the most important poems I have ever written. It isn’t THE most important… that honour goes to the two poems I wrote about my angel daughters. However, after those, this one. This one is utterly imprinted into my brain and I can reel it off like a prayer or an oath. It is imbedded into me, like a stamp on my soul and it’s words have helped me realise a few things about myself a lot of years ago.
This is a war cry – a declaration. This is me recognising the strength I have in me and that it was there all along, it was just cleverly hidden from me.
It was like the words poured out of me onto a page, as though my brain had been storing them up, waiting for me to allow them to fall free at last. An emotional and mental dam finally breaking and freeing so much goodness and warmth.
I’ve added to it and reworked it over the years, but this is pretty much the final version.
I hope you enjoyed reading it.