Keeping Going



It feels like an actual age since I last did an entry on here that was not a scheduled post.

I suppose it is important at the moment to keep my hand in with writing as it is forming part of my ‘therapy’. More on that later.

I’ve revamped the blog’s style a tad – but it does look rather brooding. I was going for something a bit more autumnal in tone and a little less, I don’t know, brash? I love me? I think that matches the tone of the blog too. This isn’t an exercise in self-gratification or me trying to make my mark. Merely evidence of personal expression.


I have been toying with the idea of taking part in NaNoWriMo this year. My first year doing it was 2012 and I won (woo-hoo!), but last year I couldn’t because I had a new born baby to look after and my kids, as always, come first.

Now the baby is nearly one and less interested in being clung to me, I might have a chance this time.

It was such a great achievement to write fifty-thousand words in the space of a month. I loved the challenge and how it forced me to get a darn draft of my story down. Since then, the novel has changed a lot – going back and forth and then back again. I think I have ended up using my original idea, but at least I know what did and didn’t work.

If you are joining in the fun and frivolity of setting yourself the task of writing 2000 words a day for the month of November, then do let me know! It is not a challenge for the faint of heart, but such a personal achievement.

  • Vignette’s

As part of a very personal journey I am on at the moment, I have been writing a series of scenes or very short stories to help me sort of get through what I’m remembering. I did at one point mention I may publish them on here maybe one day… but I don’t think I want to now. What I describe in them is just a bit too close to home and are really more snapshots of a pretty terrible set of experiences. Maybe in twenty years I’ll publish them. Who knows? Or publish them under a pseudonym or send them to a charity that works with people who have had similar experiences, in order to help them share? Or send to another person who has also been through all that? Would anyone be interested in that even happening? I don’t know.

I have written 8 stories so far and other things surrounding it keep popping into my mind from a set of long buried and abandoned memories. It’s like going into the attic of your life and rummaging through a dark, dusty old lock-box kept in the corner.

If anything, the moral of the story I’m telling you is that writing is so therapeutic. It is great channel to let life’s agony and joy flow out of you and into the real, tangible world.

In General…

Back to work post maternity leave and school runs and child minder runs are in full swing. It is interesting to see my life take on new and varied versions of normal. Some in subtle ways and some in enormous ways.

I’m still sorting the house out for it to go on the market. Thomas and I have been moving the kids bedrooms round, painting, scrubbing and sorting like there’s no tomorrow. I hope we get it sold! But I’m not optimistic of an early sale. Oh well, onwards and upwards.

  • Baby Loss Awareness Week & Wave of Light
My Wave of Light 2014 in memory of my gorgeous babies xxxx
My Wave of Light 2014 in memory of my gorgeous babies xxxx

Yesterday (Wednesday 15th October 2014) marked the last day of baby loss awareness week. All over the world, people have been remembering and holding special events in memory of their babies that have been lost far too soon.

When you are a bereaved family, you tend to look at the last 7 days with a warming sense of optimism – that some awareness has been raised, that people have remembered our angel babies and that one day, this may not be a taboo and families will never lose a baby again.

17 babies per day die in the UK either before, during or shortly after birth. 1 in 4 women miscarry.

I’ve had five pregnancies in my life and six babies (one pregnancy was twins). I only have two living children. That statistic is the one that stabs me right through the heart and soul, knowing that my babies have died to create the above statistics. It was beyond agony – beyond hurt to go through what I went through. Everything that had happened before it and indeed, after it, is no longer so important. It throws your life, whether you want it to or not, into perspective.

The final night of Baby Loss Awareness week is the 15th October each year and it is marked by the lighting of candles, no matter where in the world you are, in memory of babies who has passed away. This takes place for an hour, between 7pm and 8pm. As the world time zones shift, it’ll become 7pm some where and that somewhere will have a candle being lit as it goes 7pm…

If you want more information on stillbirth, neonatal death or miscarriage, then please have a look at the SANDS website. I found them extremely helpful when I suffered my losses and I hope they either inform you, or help you, should you need it.

Take care of yourselves beautiful people,

Cat x


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