These are my favourite pair of earrings. Not because they were bought by someone who at the time was special for a special reason, but because I just love them for how beautiful they are and what they represent to me.
Their acquisition was a forced one, believe it or not.
I saw them in that jewellery fashion power-house, Argos, in February 2003.
I was in a very unpleasant relationship at the time and for valentine’s day, I asked him to buy these for me. I even dragged him into the shop and wrote out the order number for him. They were something like £14 I think.
I could have bought them myself, but I was in one of those one-sided relationships were one person gives absolutely everything and the other just takes without returning a thing. Money or gifts were simply the tip of that particular Titanic-sinking iceberg.
I’m not a materialistic person. I do not care for, require or need presents or gifts. I would rather someone cared for the whole year than bought me something. That’s just the kind of girl I am I suppose.
I just felt that in this circumstance, I wanted him to just give me something for once. Something half decent that I could look at fondly and think of him, instead of the bitter taste in my mouth I got when I thought of him instead.
This didn’t really work. I remember the valentine’s day of February 2003. I got my lovely new earrings and I paid or a Chinese takeaway that we ate sat in his room, watching Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy on DVD. I’d bought us the DVD the summer before, because it had been special to us. On our second holiday together we had sat in my Aunt’s caravan watching it on TV, snug and ‘happy’, surrounded by the Welsh mountains.
The evening of the 14th February 2003 was to be a quaint reminder of the few good times we’d shared, but little did I know, he had already embarked on the course that would ultimately be the end of our time together.
I don’t look at these beautiful earrings and think to myself “oh, I’m so sad” nor do I believe I am clinging to the edifice of an unhappy past. I actually see a moment in time where I asked for something for me, for a complete and total change and actually got it. I stood up for myself and won. It reminds me that I am strong and that I am bloody well worth not just a damn, but so much more.
They stopped being just earrings a long time ago and like me, they became survivors of an unimaginable past. They are my relics, my icons, my reminders of what I survived back then and what I can easily survive now.
It is a reminder that I stood up and said, despite being so very, very afraid: “no, I matter for a change. I want to receive something nice for once”. They are my victory flag waved from the barricade and like me, survived the tsunami of pain and horror that washed me away that year.
They are my favourite earrings and after my wedding ring and engagement ring, are my favourite piece(s) of jewellery (not that I own any – burglars, put your swag bags away!).
I was never going to get this guy’s love (nor would anyone, ever, I suspect), which I’d have vastly preferred. Instead, I got these and to be honest? I’m much happier with them J