I’ve been posting some more personal, more rambling stuff recently, haven’t I? Is that a bad thing? I don’t think so.
The problem is, with this public blogging about stuff, is that it is just that – public. It’s not like I can open up about my deepest and darkest on the interweb for all to see. To be honest, I don’t think the web is the right place for that. I married my best mate/soul mate/ personal love god so if I have issues, I generally bore him to death with them instead. Some stuff I think it is right to share, which others might see as being a tad personal or even taboo. I often share the fact (and rather openly so) that I lost two babies in 2007. This is to raise awareness.
All I can go off is my own experience and it is a very lonely, isolated world out there as a bereaved parent. You think that you are the only one and it is terrifying. It is like the fickle hand of fate pointed at you, for no god-given reason and decided that you were the mother that should have their babies snatched away from her. It’s not until you hear about or read about the experiences of other people in a similar position to you, that you realise that you are by no means alone. It is comforting in one way – but harrowing in another: there are a lot of other people out there that didn’t get to take their babies home from hospital either. If you want the statistics, they read like this: 17 babies per day die in the UK, within the first 4 weeks of life. That includes before, during and after their births. 17 Mum’s and 17 Dad’s lose their baby. One baby per day in the UK will die due to the fact their mother smoked during pregnancy.
I know the above statistics are nothing compared to the third world, but, harsh as it sounds, that is not the world where I live. I live here, in the UK and the problems we face here are for me, just as real. We can’t go round trying to fix everyone else’s problems when we have many of our own still to fix. When you’ve lost a baby yourself, you truly do not think in terms of how other countries are faring instead of you. You think about the horrific nightmare you are currently lodged well and truly in and want to figure out a way to make it better for other people. What we learn through researching stillbirth and neonatal death can only benefit people all over the world, not just in the UK. It would be lazy and atrocious to suggest otherwise.
See? I do talk a lot about other stuff. I just get going on things and them… wooomffff…. I’ve written a blog on something that has nothing to do with writing.
I’ll update you on my writing then…
I’ve put the novel back on the shelf for a bit. I think I need time away from it for a while to just try and rethink it a bit. It’s my unfinished symphony.
On another note though, I’ve gotten a couple of articles off to Limebird Writers. One has just been published and one is awaiting publication. I’m generally more proud of the latter because I had to do a bit of research and hark back to my Uni days a bit with how I thought about it. Crikey.
The recently published article was on fanfiction, which is handy because I’m writing one at the moment. It’s getting bogged down in convoluted description again. Every time I reread each chapter to edit it, I still don’t see what I’ve done wrong with it, but I can just feel that there is something not right. I think it’s pacing. Lots of beating about the bush and not much action. This is why I love writing fanfiction (well, one of the reasons), because I don’t have to worry too much about character or their motivations. I just have to move them about my imaginary set and have them read out my lines. It can just help you figure out what is wrong, sometimes, with you own original work.
I wonder if it is pacing with mine. My heroine is procrastinating an awful lot, whilst my hero is brooding too much. I know I’m doing it and I just can’t stop myself from doing it! Gah! That is why I’m writing something else for a bit. See how that goes. I’ll get it up on Fanfiction.net at some point when I’m a bit happier with it and see what the feedback is like. That’s another reason I love fanfiction – the feedback.
School, God and Hermit Crabs
Other than writing and pondering, I do have a life. Oddly.
My little girl starts school in a few weeks, big weepy moment for many a mum. I will be stood at the school gates, crying whilst my dearly beloved just calls me a big soft fool as we wave off our tiny girl. I’m one of those mothers who are absolutely proud of their child. Seriously proud. Not delusionally proud, just heart-swellingly proud. She’s my precious miracle and I thank God every day for her.
No… I’m not religious. I identify as Agnostic. I believe in God, I just don’t agree with his (or her) various biographers or fan clubs and what they have to say. I’m not getting into a theological debate either. If you have beliefs – that’s nice. Good for you, I respect that and your freedom to have them. However, I will never push my beliefs on you so please, don’t ever even consider pushing yours on me. Each to their own.
Now, where was I? Ah yes, impending end-of-an-era type school starting. I might blog about it closer to the time. I don’t know. I might be too emotional to even get near a keyboard. Especially as I’m heavily pregnant and thoroughly hormonal without the added situational stimuli.
Our long term plan of selling the house is coming to fruition over the summer. At least getting it ready to sell anyway. We bought it a few years ago with the intention of selling it on after a couple of years, but it never worked out that way. Instead, we’ve just sort of stayed put for one reason or another. However, with a new baby on the way, we are ready and motivated to get it sorted out and on the market. It needs a few jobs doing, which are going to be accomplished in the most part by my husband’s uncle who is a pretty much all-round builder/joiner/plumber/sparkie etc. We’re not blessed with the natural ability to knock together a load of stuff ourselves, so we’re getting the pro’s in.
I realise it will take forever to sell (unless all that good luck we’re owed comes in!), but we have to make a start somewhere. We’ve been planning to get it up for sale for this summer for a couple of years or so now, so we’re sticking to the long term plan. I think, despite another little one coming soon, we are ready to move on and make a fresh start. We bought our current house before we got married so it’ll be an end of an era. However, it’s not the right house for us anymore – hopefully it will be the right house for someone else though! We’re all hermit crabs in the end. We all move about, looking for a new shell to live in that used to belong to someone else.
I think I’ll feel better when it’s on the market, for however long that will be for.
So if you want to send some positive thoughts our way, you have three things to go at: new baby, little one off to school and getting our house sold.
Take care dudes,