Just written a piece for Limebirds about the utter wonderfulness of fanfiction. Seriously, I love it! After watching V for Vendetta (for the squillienth time!) and being madly in love with both V and Erik from the Phantom of the Opera, I had an idea….
Here is a sort of petty, childish conversation between Erik (Phantom) and V (V for Vendetta) that I imagine they’d have. I imagine there’d be some tongue pulling and eye-narrowing going on underneath their masks too as they silently brood…
Transcript of a conversation between V & Erik…
Erik – I’ve got no nose!
V – I’ve got no eyes!
Erik – I look like a corpse!
V – Is that all? I look like an overcooked Spam fritter, old chap.
Erik – Damn and blast your persistence. My sole aim upon this miserable Earth is but to hide from mankind and its cruelty.
(V yawns, stretches)
V – I thoroughly intend on punishing it for all its vvvvarious cruelties and be vvvvvictorious! You should really get out more.
Erik – Well, at least my den of seclusion is vastly more mysterious and opulent than yours could possibly be. I reside upon a booby-trap filled lake under an opera no less. Cultured and sophisticated.
V –My ‘den of seclusion’ as you put it, is so mysterious even I have trouble finding it. It even has its own name – the Shadow Gallery.
Erik – Sounds like a brothel.
V – Come along dear boy, how many unwilling-but-easily-influenced-wide-eyed-wenches have you trapped in your secret den?
Erik – Only one and she came willingly. Most of the time.
V – Well mine came back of her own vvvvvvvvolition. In the end. Which is vvvvvery remarkable considering I tortured and imprisoned her first.
Erik – Woah, woah, woah! Are you telling me you tortured your unwilling-but-easily-influenced-wide-eyed-wench? Are you quite in possession of your senses? I mean, as much as one can be living behind a mask that is.
V – Yes, well, it is all rather out of context. I was freeing her of her –
Erik – I bet you were!
V – Let me finish!
Erik – I gave mine singing lessons and then cried like a little girl when she dumped me for a pretty boy. It never occurred to me that I should torture her. Great goodness man. Did the fascists tinker with your brain as well as your body?
V – Now see here-
Erik – I’d rather not see anything you have to offer, kind sir, thank you very much. I bet your unwilling-but-easily-influenced-wide-eyed-object-of-your-affections saw quite enough of that, thank you kindly!
V – I think you will find that the only thing I liberated her of was her fear of life. What did you free your unwilling-but-easily-influenced-wide-eyed-object-of-your-affections of? Her underwear perchance?
Erik – Oh very likely. I look like you on a bad day. No amount of cajoling, mind-bending illusion or hypnosis is going to change that, dear friend. What was your excuse? Your knife chucking not quite float her boat?
V – My ‘knife chucking’ as you call it, has saved and indeed taken, many lives over the years, saving hers also. I must admit though, I can’t possibly compete with your cape swirling. What are you, a grade ten by now?
Erik – Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
V – Hmm.
Erik – Hmm.
[Awkward brooding silence]