“Erik Meets V”

Just written a piece for Limebirds about the utter wonderfulness of fanfiction. Seriously, I love it! After watching V for Vendetta (for the squillienth time!) and being madly in love with both V and Erik from the Phantom of the Opera, I had an idea….


Here is a sort of petty, childish conversation between Erik (Phantom) and V (V for Vendetta) that I imagine they’d have. I imagine there’d be some tongue pulling and eye-narrowing going on underneath their masks too as they silently brood…

Transcript of a conversation between V & Erik…

Erik – I’ve got no nose!

V – I’ve got no eyes!

Erik – I look like a corpse!

V – Is that all? I look like an overcooked Spam fritter, old chap.

Erik – Damn and blast your persistence. My sole aim upon this miserable Earth is but to hide from mankind and its cruelty.

(V yawns, stretches)

V – I thoroughly intend on punishing it for all its vvvvarious cruelties and be vvvvvictorious! You should really get out more.

Erik – Well, at least my den of seclusion is vastly more mysterious and opulent than yours could possibly be. I reside upon a booby-trap filled lake under an opera no less. Cultured and sophisticated.

V –My ‘den of seclusion’ as you put it, is so mysterious even I have trouble finding it. It even has its own name – the Shadow Gallery.

Erik – Sounds like a brothel.

V – Come along dear boy, how many unwilling-but-easily-influenced-wide-eyed-wenches have you trapped in your secret den?

Erik – Only one and she came willingly. Most of the time.

V – Well mine came back of her own vvvvvvvvolition. In the end. Which is vvvvvery remarkable considering I tortured and imprisoned her first.

Erik – Woah, woah, woah! Are you telling me you tortured your unwilling-but-easily-influenced-wide-eyed-wench? Are you quite in possession of your senses? I mean, as much as one can be living behind a mask that is.

V – Yes, well, it is all rather out of context. I was freeing her of her –

Erik – I bet you were!

V – Let me finish!

Erik – I gave mine singing lessons and then cried like a little girl when she dumped me for a pretty boy. It never occurred to me that I should torture her. Great goodness man. Did the fascists tinker with your brain as well as your body?

V – Now see here-

Erik – I’d rather not see anything you have to offer, kind sir, thank you very much. I bet your unwilling-but-easily-influenced-wide-eyed-object-of-your-affections saw quite enough of that, thank you kindly!

V – I think you will find that the only thing I liberated her of was her fear of life. What did you free your unwilling-but-easily-influenced-wide-eyed-object-of-your-affections of? Her underwear perchance?

Erik – Oh very likely. I look like you on a bad day. No amount of cajoling, mind-bending illusion or hypnosis is going to change that, dear friend. What was your excuse? Your knife chucking not quite float her boat?

V – My ‘knife chucking’ as you call it, has saved and indeed taken, many lives over the years, saving hers also. I must admit though, I can’t possibly compete with your cape swirling. What are you, a grade ten by now?

Erik – Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

V – Hmm.

Erik – Hmm.

[Awkward brooding silence]

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