The Start of the Mid-Life Crisis…

I’m heading towards 40. With that, comes a lot of reflection. You do that though, right? You sit there, wondering what the hell you’ve done with yourself in the four decades you’ve been around for and weigh up if it was well spent. Then, when the weighing up is all done, you suddenly panic about…

Welcome Back!

I realise that when I “rested” this blog for a while, that it also discouraged me to write. I’ve missed writing for a long while now and I got to thinking: what is it that had be writing regularly and openly? My blog. I’m very rusty about writing and editing the blog and I think…

Fierce Tears: A New Box

As you will note from a recent post, I’ve hidden from my grief around my mother. I’ve put it in the wrong box and tied it up with the wrong bow, hoping that it’ll feel like I’m dealing something else – anything but that. I feel a lot better for acknowledging that particular elephant and…

A Quiet One: An End of Year Summary

I haven’t posted much this year and I am not entirely certain why. I suppose the fact that this blog has lost it’s direction a bit hasn’t helped. It started off as a way of chronicling my writing journey and then turned into something more personal. I have been writing as always, although it has…

You Got to Know Me at the Wrong Time, Sorry: An Open Letter

Dear whoever, It’s been a niggle for a while now and I feel I have to get it said, let it meet the air, make it more real for a moment and then let it dissipate. I’m making this an open letter so that perhaps others may benefit from this and also to ensure that…

Dream

I’m one of those people who dream very vividly, but not long after I wake up, the memory of those dreams fade rather quickly. Which is a shame. I think some of the things I see in my dreams are fascinating and play better than any movie. I had a dream last night that was…

Our Twins 12 Years On

Originally posted on tompkin98blog:
So its late where I am currently and I find myself reflecting. This time of year is always very difficult for me and my partner as it marks the darkest time of our lives. Reverse back for a moment to 2007, we had been married for less than a year…

Why Do I Talk Publicly About the Loss of My Daughters?

I am certain that I have covered this before, certainly around the this time of year. Why do I share my pain, thoughts and feelings about the loss of my eldest two daughters publicly? Why do I leave messages addressed to them in places where everyone can see them? Why don’t I maintain some sort…

Video of My Mother

I got a message from my uncle today to let me know that he’d found a short video clip of my mother out of a stack of old Betamax tapes he had. It was filmed by my Dad in 1986 when my mother was 29 and he was 28, in the living room of our…

4 Years Since My Mother Died

Four years ago today, my mother died. I think I have probably covered the particulars of that day already within this blog, so I won’t go back over them. A preoccupying thought I have at times, is the wish to go back in time and try to warn her that if she carried on down…